Steven Wright on timely subjects:
Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it...
Four years ago..............no, it was yesterday.
I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes...
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.
My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said "the whole time".
"I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time."
